Sally was running a bit late this morning as there was an accident on the road, which was fine, as we'd got up a bit late anyway!
It was our first visit with Sally together for over a month, so good to get everything back on track.
We discussed how we were feeling about adoption now - what do we expect? I said I expected hard work, difficult times and lots of stress, and anything better is a bonus. Dan said he agreed. Sally was pleased as she said often people think it will be all hearts and flowers but it isn't. Many adoptive parents suffer post-adoption depression, when the reality kicks in. I myself have a friend at work who adopted a young girl and she suffered with this for about a month after the child was placed with her so I understood this. Sally explained that when we get our children we will need to introduce them to our family and friends slowly. No welcome to our family parties, no big get-togethers. Just slowly introducing them to people over time. They probably need a month first of all with just the two of us and maybe our parents and sisters.
Sally also mentioned that we should start using contraception since many couple conceive just as they are approved and about to have children placed with them but this isn't an issue for us since I have no fallopian tubes - it would be a medical miracle if I conceived!
We explained to Sally we had discussed 3 children but we had decided this would be too much for us straight away and Sally agreed this was a good decision for us.
We are still on to complete our home study in April, and hopefully go to panel in June. Unforatunately, once we've been approved at panel we will have to get a new social worker since Sally is moving over to work with children rather than with adoptive parents, but she will see us through to panel.
Dan and I need to start reading the recommended books and learn about attachment disorders so we are fully prepared for what issues the children may have. Sally also explained there would be a workshop on attachment problems and we will go along to this and this will help as well.
Monday, 23 February 2009
Friday, 13 February 2009
Wednesday 11th February
Well, this was Dan's evening to see Sally on his own. It is a condition of the home study that you each have a session on your own with the social worker.
Dan was asked about our relationship, what he thought the strengths and weaknesses were, what we are looking forward to about having children and what we think we will find difficult.
Then she asked him if we would accept 3 children! He said he found this a bit of a shock and wasn't expecting it! He basically said that we hadn't considered this and he would need to discuss with me but his first thought is that 3 at once would probably be too much. Sally explained this was because lots of sets of 3 children are coming through at the moment.
Sally also explained that, although she would see us through to approval at panel, after that she would no longer be our social worker. This is a great shame as we are really starting to build up a relationship with her now and we trust her. But she said this may work in our favour because she will be moving over to the child placement side. Basically, we will be allocated a new social worker and, because Sally won't be our social worker on the adoptive parents side any more, if she gets suitable children, she can consider us to be the adoptive parents. So it could work out for the best although it means changing social worker in the middle of the process.
We also have to consider what will happen to the children if we split up and what we want the arrangements to be for the children should we both die. Wow, I hadn't even thought of this, but apparantly we will be asked this at panel so we need to think about it. Dan's immediate answer was my best friend and her partner, but we will obviously need to discuss this with them and see if they are in agreement.
We have no homework for next time but lots to think about. We have now discussed the possibility of 3 children and are not sure we could go from no children to 3 childen at once - it may be just too much but we will continue to give it some thought
Dan was asked about our relationship, what he thought the strengths and weaknesses were, what we are looking forward to about having children and what we think we will find difficult.
Then she asked him if we would accept 3 children! He said he found this a bit of a shock and wasn't expecting it! He basically said that we hadn't considered this and he would need to discuss with me but his first thought is that 3 at once would probably be too much. Sally explained this was because lots of sets of 3 children are coming through at the moment.
Sally also explained that, although she would see us through to approval at panel, after that she would no longer be our social worker. This is a great shame as we are really starting to build up a relationship with her now and we trust her. But she said this may work in our favour because she will be moving over to the child placement side. Basically, we will be allocated a new social worker and, because Sally won't be our social worker on the adoptive parents side any more, if she gets suitable children, she can consider us to be the adoptive parents. So it could work out for the best although it means changing social worker in the middle of the process.
We also have to consider what will happen to the children if we split up and what we want the arrangements to be for the children should we both die. Wow, I hadn't even thought of this, but apparantly we will be asked this at panel so we need to think about it. Dan's immediate answer was my best friend and her partner, but we will obviously need to discuss this with them and see if they are in agreement.
We have no homework for next time but lots to think about. We have now discussed the possibility of 3 children and are not sure we could go from no children to 3 childen at once - it may be just too much but we will continue to give it some thought
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