Sally was running a bit late this morning as there was an accident on the road, which was fine, as we'd got up a bit late anyway!
It was our first visit with Sally together for over a month, so good to get everything back on track.
We discussed how we were feeling about adoption now - what do we expect? I said I expected hard work, difficult times and lots of stress, and anything better is a bonus. Dan said he agreed. Sally was pleased as she said often people think it will be all hearts and flowers but it isn't. Many adoptive parents suffer post-adoption depression, when the reality kicks in. I myself have a friend at work who adopted a young girl and she suffered with this for about a month after the child was placed with her so I understood this. Sally explained that when we get our children we will need to introduce them to our family and friends slowly. No welcome to our family parties, no big get-togethers. Just slowly introducing them to people over time. They probably need a month first of all with just the two of us and maybe our parents and sisters.
Sally also mentioned that we should start using contraception since many couple conceive just as they are approved and about to have children placed with them but this isn't an issue for us since I have no fallopian tubes - it would be a medical miracle if I conceived!
We explained to Sally we had discussed 3 children but we had decided this would be too much for us straight away and Sally agreed this was a good decision for us.
We are still on to complete our home study in April, and hopefully go to panel in June. Unforatunately, once we've been approved at panel we will have to get a new social worker since Sally is moving over to work with children rather than with adoptive parents, but she will see us through to panel.
Dan and I need to start reading the recommended books and learn about attachment disorders so we are fully prepared for what issues the children may have. Sally also explained there would be a workshop on attachment problems and we will go along to this and this will help as well.
Monday, 23 February 2009
Friday, 13 February 2009
Wednesday 11th February
Well, this was Dan's evening to see Sally on his own. It is a condition of the home study that you each have a session on your own with the social worker.
Dan was asked about our relationship, what he thought the strengths and weaknesses were, what we are looking forward to about having children and what we think we will find difficult.
Then she asked him if we would accept 3 children! He said he found this a bit of a shock and wasn't expecting it! He basically said that we hadn't considered this and he would need to discuss with me but his first thought is that 3 at once would probably be too much. Sally explained this was because lots of sets of 3 children are coming through at the moment.
Sally also explained that, although she would see us through to approval at panel, after that she would no longer be our social worker. This is a great shame as we are really starting to build up a relationship with her now and we trust her. But she said this may work in our favour because she will be moving over to the child placement side. Basically, we will be allocated a new social worker and, because Sally won't be our social worker on the adoptive parents side any more, if she gets suitable children, she can consider us to be the adoptive parents. So it could work out for the best although it means changing social worker in the middle of the process.
We also have to consider what will happen to the children if we split up and what we want the arrangements to be for the children should we both die. Wow, I hadn't even thought of this, but apparantly we will be asked this at panel so we need to think about it. Dan's immediate answer was my best friend and her partner, but we will obviously need to discuss this with them and see if they are in agreement.
We have no homework for next time but lots to think about. We have now discussed the possibility of 3 children and are not sure we could go from no children to 3 childen at once - it may be just too much but we will continue to give it some thought
Dan was asked about our relationship, what he thought the strengths and weaknesses were, what we are looking forward to about having children and what we think we will find difficult.
Then she asked him if we would accept 3 children! He said he found this a bit of a shock and wasn't expecting it! He basically said that we hadn't considered this and he would need to discuss with me but his first thought is that 3 at once would probably be too much. Sally explained this was because lots of sets of 3 children are coming through at the moment.
Sally also explained that, although she would see us through to approval at panel, after that she would no longer be our social worker. This is a great shame as we are really starting to build up a relationship with her now and we trust her. But she said this may work in our favour because she will be moving over to the child placement side. Basically, we will be allocated a new social worker and, because Sally won't be our social worker on the adoptive parents side any more, if she gets suitable children, she can consider us to be the adoptive parents. So it could work out for the best although it means changing social worker in the middle of the process.
We also have to consider what will happen to the children if we split up and what we want the arrangements to be for the children should we both die. Wow, I hadn't even thought of this, but apparantly we will be asked this at panel so we need to think about it. Dan's immediate answer was my best friend and her partner, but we will obviously need to discuss this with them and see if they are in agreement.
We have no homework for next time but lots to think about. We have now discussed the possibility of 3 children and are not sure we could go from no children to 3 childen at once - it may be just too much but we will continue to give it some thought
Monday, 26 January 2009
Next visit
Well we've had a really rough couple of weeks. My auntie died from Alzheimers on Sunday 18th January ,then my Dad was rushed to hospital on Friday 23rd January after he collapsed at home. Thankfully he's fine, but still in hospital.
I saw Sally on my own today. It is one of the rules that she sees both Dan and I on our own for a session. We hadn't been able to print out our homework due to recent events, but I was able to tell Sally I would email it on to her, which I've now done. I'd been able to get hold of my birth certificate - Andover were great, I just rang and asked for it and paid and they sent to me. For Dan to get hold of his, because it was registered in Salisbury, he has to write a letter with various details and send a cheque and an SAE, so we don't have his back yet.
I've managed to track down the address of the final ex-boyfriend. I emailed his sister through FAcebook and she rang him and explained and he was happy to give me the address, so I've emailed that through to Sally.
So, today what did we talk about? We started by Sally asking me to explain how Dan and I got together. So I explained we met a couple of years before we got together then finally got together when we were "set up" by mutual friends. We talked through how our relationship had developed then Sally asked me to describe the dynamics of our relationship. She explained how the dynamics would change once we had our adopted children, and that we should be prepared for that - which we are.
She said we would probably argue more once we have the children, as we may disagree on different issues eg, discipline. I had to describe what difficulties we thought we may face and describe how we would deal with this.
Sally explained we should feel free to contact Social Services for help at any stage once the children have been placed with us, even if it's 10 years later! This is good to know.
We talked about timings - well I asked - and apparantly we are just over halfway through our home study. Sally still hopes to take us to panel for approval in the summer, then once we're approved it's just a matter of waiting for suitable/matched children.
Sally explained she's got no concerns over our energy levels so would be happy to recommend children as young as possible - which is great! We had specified two children under 4, but she said it could even be an 18 month year old and a newborn - even better!
It's getting really exciting now and I just want to move it along and really get things underway.
The next visit is Dan on his own two weeks tomorrow.
I saw Sally on my own today. It is one of the rules that she sees both Dan and I on our own for a session. We hadn't been able to print out our homework due to recent events, but I was able to tell Sally I would email it on to her, which I've now done. I'd been able to get hold of my birth certificate - Andover were great, I just rang and asked for it and paid and they sent to me. For Dan to get hold of his, because it was registered in Salisbury, he has to write a letter with various details and send a cheque and an SAE, so we don't have his back yet.
I've managed to track down the address of the final ex-boyfriend. I emailed his sister through FAcebook and she rang him and explained and he was happy to give me the address, so I've emailed that through to Sally.
So, today what did we talk about? We started by Sally asking me to explain how Dan and I got together. So I explained we met a couple of years before we got together then finally got together when we were "set up" by mutual friends. We talked through how our relationship had developed then Sally asked me to describe the dynamics of our relationship. She explained how the dynamics would change once we had our adopted children, and that we should be prepared for that - which we are.
She said we would probably argue more once we have the children, as we may disagree on different issues eg, discipline. I had to describe what difficulties we thought we may face and describe how we would deal with this.
Sally explained we should feel free to contact Social Services for help at any stage once the children have been placed with us, even if it's 10 years later! This is good to know.
We talked about timings - well I asked - and apparantly we are just over halfway through our home study. Sally still hopes to take us to panel for approval in the summer, then once we're approved it's just a matter of waiting for suitable/matched children.
Sally explained she's got no concerns over our energy levels so would be happy to recommend children as young as possible - which is great! We had specified two children under 4, but she said it could even be an 18 month year old and a newborn - even better!
It's getting really exciting now and I just want to move it along and really get things underway.
The next visit is Dan on his own two weeks tomorrow.
Sunday, 11 January 2009
First visit of 2009
Well, Sally (our social worker) came round on Tuesday night. We weren't able to print off our "homework" as our printer's on the blink, but basically we'd written out a description of each other's personality (without consulting with each other) and also written a pen picture of our ideal adopted children.
We weren't able to give these to Sally but arranged to email them to her.
We still need to get hold of copies of both our birth certificates, and we also had to provide our driving license numbers. Dan gave his but I haven't seen my driving license for years - will need to get that sorted!
We talked about our lifestyle - diet and fitness really. I explained I am a vegetarian and Dan explained he isn't. Sally asked if our children would be vegetarian and I stated no, I wouldn't make that choice for them, they would have meat and veggie meals, then be able to choose for themselves in later life whether or not they wanted to continue to eat meat.
We explained we're both very health-minded, ie, we go to a personal trainer once a week and also like to keep active and go for long walks and bike rides too in the summer.
Sally has had nearly all of our references back now - the one from my ex-husband and the one for one of my ex-boyfriends. She wouldn't tell me what they said but she said they were fine, no problems. She's also had back the other 7 references - there are two outstanding - one from my boss Ashley and one from Natalie - the mother of my ex-Stepchildren, Destini and Camio. I know Ashley posted his before Christmas so it must have gone astray. I hope he's kept a copy! Natalie had told me she couldn't find her forms - she'd put them in a safe place and forgotten where that was, so Sally will send her out another set.
I still have to track down one of my ex-boyfriends, Destini and Camio's Dad, Paul. Natalie doesn't know where he is since he doesn't see Destini and Camio anymore and I've tried looking on the internet but there are lots of people with the same name. However, Sally's told us it's our responsibility to get an address for him so we will need to find another way - I could perhaps contact Paul's sisters and explain and ask for his address?
Sally informed us the next session would be just me on my own. They do a session with each of us on our own, I guess in case there are things we don't want to discuss in front of each other, although there is nothing Dan doesn't know about me. They also may want to ensure we are both equally committed to the adoption, and it isn't one person persuading the other. So I have a visit on my own on 26th January, then Dan has a visit on his own a few weeks after that.
We weren't able to give these to Sally but arranged to email them to her.
We still need to get hold of copies of both our birth certificates, and we also had to provide our driving license numbers. Dan gave his but I haven't seen my driving license for years - will need to get that sorted!
We talked about our lifestyle - diet and fitness really. I explained I am a vegetarian and Dan explained he isn't. Sally asked if our children would be vegetarian and I stated no, I wouldn't make that choice for them, they would have meat and veggie meals, then be able to choose for themselves in later life whether or not they wanted to continue to eat meat.
We explained we're both very health-minded, ie, we go to a personal trainer once a week and also like to keep active and go for long walks and bike rides too in the summer.
Sally has had nearly all of our references back now - the one from my ex-husband and the one for one of my ex-boyfriends. She wouldn't tell me what they said but she said they were fine, no problems. She's also had back the other 7 references - there are two outstanding - one from my boss Ashley and one from Natalie - the mother of my ex-Stepchildren, Destini and Camio. I know Ashley posted his before Christmas so it must have gone astray. I hope he's kept a copy! Natalie had told me she couldn't find her forms - she'd put them in a safe place and forgotten where that was, so Sally will send her out another set.
I still have to track down one of my ex-boyfriends, Destini and Camio's Dad, Paul. Natalie doesn't know where he is since he doesn't see Destini and Camio anymore and I've tried looking on the internet but there are lots of people with the same name. However, Sally's told us it's our responsibility to get an address for him so we will need to find another way - I could perhaps contact Paul's sisters and explain and ask for his address?
Sally informed us the next session would be just me on my own. They do a session with each of us on our own, I guess in case there are things we don't want to discuss in front of each other, although there is nothing Dan doesn't know about me. They also may want to ensure we are both equally committed to the adoption, and it isn't one person persuading the other. So I have a visit on my own on 26th January, then Dan has a visit on his own a few weeks after that.
Monday, 5 January 2009
Friday, 2 January 2009
2009 - a new year - a new beginning??
Well, it's 2009. This is, hopefully, the year we get our children and become a family! We were at a friend's wedding on New Year's Eve and we shed a few tears of happiness at midnight, excitedly looking at each other and saying this time next year we'll have children! It's an exciting though obviously nerve racking time. we're prepared for hard work, tough times, early mornings, but we're also prepared for good times, laughter, love, fun and cuddles. we long for the day when our kids call us "Mummy" and "Daddy".
Our next visit with Sally, our social worker, in on Tuesday next week. Hopefully, by now she's had most, if not all, of our references back, so things should be well under way. we have another 3 visits in the diary, so that takes us up to mid Feb. We're still hoping to go to panel early summer (where you sit in front of 12 people who read your file and decide whether or not you should be allowed to adopt).
This is going to be such an exciting year! My ex step children, Destini and Camio, and our neices, Jessica, Rhiannon and Abigail are excited about the prospect of us having kids of our own - more little ones for them to play with!
Our next visit with Sally, our social worker, in on Tuesday next week. Hopefully, by now she's had most, if not all, of our references back, so things should be well under way. we have another 3 visits in the diary, so that takes us up to mid Feb. We're still hoping to go to panel early summer (where you sit in front of 12 people who read your file and decide whether or not you should be allowed to adopt).
This is going to be such an exciting year! My ex step children, Destini and Camio, and our neices, Jessica, Rhiannon and Abigail are excited about the prospect of us having kids of our own - more little ones for them to play with!
Tuesday, 30 December 2008
Dan's Medical - Part 2!
Dan's had his medical now. He had it on Monday. All seemed to go well. They tested his blood pressure, heart rate, weight, height, checked glands and lungs, looked in his eyes and ears, did a urine sample. The doctor said he's in good shape and gave him a clean bill of health, so full steam ahead for us on the adoption front!
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